So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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