Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
