he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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