She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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