FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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