So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
