She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
