At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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