Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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