last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
