Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
