4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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