He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this will be a night to untag.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
