I wish I could teleport
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
