i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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