i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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