I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
