dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
