thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
