idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
