before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
