man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Randomize
