Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
there's paper in my vomit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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