if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
