After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
