you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
