My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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