I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
