the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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