Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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