I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
