One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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