you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
