A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
