Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
