this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
