Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
