He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
