I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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