woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
