I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
