College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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