i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
