True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
