...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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