You made me cry and you don't even care
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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