hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
COCAINE IS GR8
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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