Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
