areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
