My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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