my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
