At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
