So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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