Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
