i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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