i jhust puked up my retainher.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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