im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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